Cover Letter for Satire Validator

Babylon Bee
110 Front Street, Suite 300
Jupiter, FL 33458

Dear Babylon Bee,

I am writing to you in response to the job opening on X entitled: Satire Validator. I, in fact, have no sense of humor and therefore would be perfect for this position. When I was a child growing up on the mean streets of Marion, Illinois; I was often seen as different from my siblings and my peers. They wanted ice cream from the Dairy Queen after church, I wanted a cold shower. They wanted a Nintendo, I wanted a dictionary. They wanted hugs and kisses, I simply desired a stern talking to.

It was then that I knew, my goal in life was to make sure that nobody ever laughed or enjoyed themselves too much. That’s why I have been working in IT for the past 24 years. After spending some times in a former communist country, I have decided to move back to the USA with a new found desire to spread anti-shenannigans wherever I go. I believe that I would be perfect for this role. Nobody should laugh that much and absolulely nobody should be offended by something as lowly as humor.

My proposal is to create a T-scale based on how ticked-off I feel the user may be about a specific article or joke. The T-scale goes from 1 to 10. Jokes between 1 and 2 are acceptable. Jokes 3 or higher must be deleted and the writer potentially imprisoned for life. I believe it is a fair scale.

If you decide that my proposal is not what you are looking for, then you will be hearing from my lawyer for some form of descrimination that is yet to be determined.

Also, if you need someone to work on your IT stuff, please see my resume linked above. I actually do know that stuff unlike “creative” people who aren’t usually that bright when it comes to computers.

Best Regards,

Jason Evans